How To Find The Ache (poem)

How To Find The Ache

how do I find it again?

i know the Ache is the key.

it is my way back home to Her,

my beloved inner child, the one who

brings me to my place and space of now.

how do i find it?

do I force memories of sorrow

out of my mind to its surface?

or do I watch a scene

read a story

hear a song

of another’s pain crystallized into form?

is that the path back to the Ache?

when do I find it?

is it tucked away between tiny moments stolen

between two lovers

secreting away their passions,

or is it in the gaze between mother and infact,

the vast space of the universe itself

contained in such a short distance?

but ‘how’ and ‘where’ and ‘where’ are too many words

for the Ache.

it isn’t a spell conjured by force or language.

it won’t come when beckoned by hands

wading toward it in shallow waters.

any pressure I apply only pushes it further away.

but not too far.

it is in the quiet moments of surrender and tenderness,

those pauses between inhale and ecstasy,

the smile tugging a newborn’s plump cheeks,

the way a hand fold itself into another’s palm.

and now the Ache rises and washes over you,

you are unprepared

you are uncertain

you are scared.

still she flows into and beyond you,

for there is no way out of the Ache

but through.

Written March 2024